Sunday, September 05, 2010

Wolverine Is Stupid

Marvel is apparently planning to launch a whole family of Wolverine books (because he isn't in enough titles already and they haven't done this before). To get everyone ready for these books, Marvel put out a free "All-New Wolverine Saga" book that is basically a primer for Wolvie, X-23, and Daken. Reading this free one-shot, I realized how fucking lame Marvel made Wolverine.

Did you know that the first proposed Wolverine origin was going to make him a mutant wolverine? Silly, huh? Luckily, the then-powers-that-be at Marvel rejected the idea. So then we had a Wolverine with no known past for quite a while. It was a major part of what made him so popular. He was an fierce peculiar mystery. As much as Marvel would like, you can't really manufacture that type of enigma... Just look at Gambit.

In 2000, when Marvel decided to flesh out Wolvie's origin with 'Wolverine: Origin', I boycotted it. I didn't even want to know the story. I felt like there was no way they could do the mystery justice. Almost 10 years later, I read the book and actually enjoyed it. Of course, I am not prepared to read the seemingly endless titles Marvel puts out making Wolverine into some Forrest Gump character that seems to have met everyone in the Marvel universe all prior to him joining The X-Men somehow.

So, catching up on all the details of Wolverine's past via this free book made me want to vomit. It must have been the drive to milk the character's origins until the well runs dry (and then keep milking) or perhaps they went to 5yr olds for ideas. It is so convoluted and bizarre! He makes a sword that can kill anything (!?), has a stupid xtreme son and psuedo daughter (both who pop out claws in places other than their knuckles), and is part of some masterplan designed by the king of wolf-people. WTF?!

Unless Marvel retconned the whole thing, I can't think of a storyline that would redeem Wolverine's character. Give up, Marvel.


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