fuck insincerity

I re-read the last communication I ever had with my ex-wife.

This was the first time I read it since the initial reading. That is saying a lot since for the longest time just the thought of reading it would have made me sick with anxiety.
There was no anxiety this time. It's weird; I only felt a little angry. Angry at her and maybe more angry at myself.
Hindsight is 20/20 and that letter is full of it. Her words written when our separation was still fresh were full of insincerity. I am able to read it clearly now.
Her set up with smalltalk and things to fill me with a (false) sense of security with the separation. Then that last paragraph... That last paragraph where she tells me that she is living in her present and not her past and does not wish to see me again. She gets it out quickly and signs off.

It all makes me a little angry with myself. Angry at my naively sincere attempt to establish a new and healthy relationship with someone who once meant the world to me.
I now know I want nothing of her world she escaped to. I still hope her sky comes crashing down and her god is nowhere to save her.